Masked Feelings
by icyrainbow
Summary: Short fic. Brenda reflects on what she misses about PC. Jason dreams. Brazen. COMPLETE
1. Brenda

Set after Brenda left Port Charles.  
  
  
  
Brenda likes to go to one particular café in Paris. Every morning, she gets a double espresso and a fresh apple crepe and sits outside at her usual table watching the people walk by. She often studies their faces, wonders what their stories are, ponders if they are happy or miserable. She knows it's hard to read the truth on someone's face. It's easy to mask your feelings if you put your mind to it.  
  
She doesn't really miss Jax. Well, sometimes she thinks about him. His broad back wet from ocean water after a day of surfing, the sun glistening in his hair, his smile. But she doesn't miss him, not really.  
  
She doesn't really miss Sonny. Every now and then, she thinks of his eyes, his walk, the sound of his voice. But she doesn't miss him.  
  
She *does* miss the Quartermaines. She misses Ned's laugh, Edward's hugs and Lila's gentle nature. She misses the warm study and the beautiful gardens.  
  
But the person she misses the most, the one who creeps into her mind every morning is the last person she would have expected to find there.  
  
Jason.  
  
Jason Morgan.  
  
She misses Jason. She misses the fire in his eyes when she makes him angry. She misses the way he rubs his hands over his face when he's frustrated. Her heart beats a little faster when she thinks about the way he holds her when she cries, the way he looks at her when she talks to him. She values that he never goes back on a promise. She can always trust him to stay true to his word.  
  
She told Jason she's so happy for Courtney and him, giving her best to the bride to be. She tells him she's glad he has found happiness, someone to spend the rest of his life with, how she's so glad he found Courtney.  
  
She knows better than anyone that it's easy to mask your feelings if you put your mind to it. 


	2. Jason

Jason's thoughts. There will probably be only one more chapter to this since I'm not very good with angst. lol But I do plan on writing a more lengthy Brazen fic soon. =)  
  
  
  
At night, Jason will crawl underneath the covers and lie next to his fiancee. He'll listen to her gentle breathing and think about how she's everything any man could want. She's sweet and soft, and adores him.   
  
She only wants to make him happy, she'll do anything to keep him. There's never an argument that lasts very long, she won't allow it. She'll cry and whisper, and his arms pull her back to him.  
  
Courtney Matthews in the perfect fiancee, she'll make the perfect wife. But when he falls asleep at night, he dreams of someone else.  
  
He dreams of Brenda. With Brenda, he doesn't have to be gentle all the time. He can be loud and demanding, he can be as honest as he wants to be. She returns it, with fierceness, and anger, and frustration. He can almost feel the sparks flash between them when they argue. It's heated, and messy, and complicated. He loves it.  
  
Then there are times when things are quiet, and serious, and sincere. Times when he looks into her eyes and feels as if he's finally getting to know the real her. She only says what is important and she listens.  
  
Her laugh. Her laugh echoes in his ears and makes the corners of his mouth turn up into a smile. It's loud and quirky but it's comforting.  
  
When she cries, her body shakes and the tears slide quietly down her cheeks. She's vulnerable and broken, and he hates it.  
  
He hates that he dreams of her, that her laugh and her smile haunt him at night. He hates that he wants to comfort her, to fight with her, to just *be* with her. He shouldn't have these thoughts. He has every man's dream asleep next to him every night.  
  
Courtney is the best thing that ever happened to him, but Brenda is the best thing that never happened. He wonders far too often, what *could* have happened, and he dreams. 


	3. Brazen

Last chapter. I've already started writing on another Brazen story which will be much longer but I think I ended this one in a way that everyone will like. =)  
  
  
  
He called her in the middle of the night. His voice was shaky but she didn't care. Even the sound of a lonely, upset Jason sounded good to her. He asked her to meet him, at the café. She gasped with surprise to find out he was there, in Paris, down the street waiting for her.  
  
When she got there, his eyes were swollen and his shoulders trembled as he stood up and wrapped his strong arms around her neck. She had never seen him like this. Jason was always in control, always focused and stone faced, even when something was driving him crazy inside. He sat back down and with shaky hands, he took a sip of his coffee. Black. He always ordered his coffee black. He was never much for excessiveness.  
  
His eyes told the story, before he even began to speak. And when he did speak, it was so fast she could barely keep up. He rambled on and on for minutes. Courtney wanted to move up the wedding, it was the day after tomorrow. He *had* to get away, he *had* to get out of PC and he *had* to see her. Like it or not, she was a good friend to him and the only person he could speak to. Sonny and Carly were partial to Courtney's feelings, Brenda was not.  
  
Did he love Courtney? Yes, he did.   
  
Did he want to marry her? No, not yet. Maybe not ever. Everything moved too fast, he had been thinking a lot and maybe she deserved something better. Just not AJ, anybody but him.  
  
Was he going back? No, not tonight. He was thinking maybe a hotel.  
  
No, he could stay with her. On the couch, of course.  
  
They shared a glance, a little smirk came across Jason's lips and she treasured the fact that she could make him smile. She reached across the table for the cream and her hand brushed against his. He felt his heart leap into his throat.   
  
He was going to call Courtney. Tell her that he needed a break. He didn't want it to sound like the whole "it's not you, it's me" thing, even though that was exactly what it was.   
  
It wasn't her. She did everything right.  
  
It was him. Sometimes he didn't like to be right.  
  
A soft smile spread across Brenda's lips, as she wrapped her sweater around her body a little tighter.  
  
Sometimes, she doesn't like to be right either.  
  
  
  
  
  
The couch sits lonely in the living room. The moonlight dancing off the leather, nobody is sleeping there. Sometimes, Jason and Brenda don't like to be right and they have masked their feelings long enough. 


End file.
